I’ve never hidden the fact that I find being a mum hard work.  Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children, I know how lucky I am to have them and I couldn’t ever imagine one single day without them in my life, but this doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing or that I find it easy.  Since the moment Harry was born I’ve felt like I’m just “winging” it, just about coping and hoping that I don’t damage these 3 little humans too much in the process!  Even 10 years on there will be occasions (lots in fact) where I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing or how to cope but I do.  I guess that’s the amazing thing about us parents, somehow, somewhere, we find the answers, the best way to deal with something and we find the strength to make it to another day. 

Now I am no expert on parenting by any stretch of the imagination but I am quite proud of the fact that my mini Dodd’s are growing up to be happy, pleasant, confident humans, I must be doing something right…. right?!  With the eldest off to secondary school next year I thought that I would share some hints, tips and realism that I have learnt over the past 10 years, take what you want from it but rest assured I am very open and honest about this whole motherhood malarkey and how it is this vibrant, exciting, frustrating mix of heaven and hell!

·        Don’t take parenting books too seriously.  Do all babies act the same way at exactly the same stage in their life?  No, they do not!  My 3 children were all so different, Harry never slept, Charlie slept loads and Grace, well god love her, she just had to fit in with the other 2 when she came along.  My point is, don’t take these books too literally, take what you need from them but don’t let them rule your life or make you feel like a rubbish mum.

·        Trust your instinct.  I can’t emphasise this enough and I talk about this on my classes all time.  At the end of the day, you know your child better than anyone else; you know what’s normal and what’s not.  Trust your instinct and don’t let anyone make you doubt yourself.

·        Be honest.  Be honest with yourself; be honest with your family.  Whatever it is, it will be easier to deal with if you are open and share how you are feeling.  I realised this after having Harry, I couldn’t/wouldn’t tell anyone how fed up and down I felt and this in turn made me worse.  When it happened again with Charlie I was so open and honest about how I felt that no-one could ignore me!

·        Accept help.  We are not superhuman, it is not a sign of weakness to accept or even ask for help, it is completely normal.  After 10 years of having my children rob me of my sleep and sanity, I am always asking for help and accepting it.  Sometimes it’s the little things that really make the biggest difference.

·        Let go of the guilt.  Whatever you have guilt about, whether it is how you feed your baby, going back to work, not going back to work, letting your child cry, or even smacking your baby’s head on the door frame by accident (been there, done that!).  Whatever it is, it doesn’t make you a bad mum.  We live in a society that promotes free speech and choice and yet we are criticised if what we choose doesn’t fit the norm.  Stop feeling guilty, surely having healthy, happy children is the most important thing, how you get to that point is completely up to you and no one else’s business.

·        Don’t obsess about sleep.  You will get some…. eventually!  I used to sleep for hours, I loved my sleep, now I’m lucky to get 5 hours a night and my children aren’t even babies anymore.  I think my body has just adapted to less sleep and as I always say now, sleep is for wimps!

·        Don’t look back.  Don’t waste time looking back at your carefree, childless life.  It doesn’t help, it won’t help to turn back time and besides you have a whole new exciting, rewarding, adventure in front of you, just one which includes less sleep!

·        Do you like “popping” out?  Well say goodbye to that, once you have children you can’t “pop” anywhere.  When they’re babies it’s the whole rigmarole of making sure you have nappies, milk, wipes, dummies, clothes, buggies and of course the kitchen sink.  Then they grow up and whist you don’t have to take all that extra stuff with you, you’ll have to deal with the lost shoes, coats, school bags, homework and even itchy socks (I’m not kidding you!) before you ever get to leave your house. 

·        Finally, do not, under any circumstances compare yourself to other mums.  Its not realistic, it doesn’t help and it will just drive you crazy.  We are all individuals and how we adapt and cope with parenthood will be completely different for each of us.  Some mums appear to cope much better than others but I like to think that we are all just winging it but in different ways, aren’t we?!